One Way Ticket

I need some help.

As my mom commented on my last post, I am currently faced with the daunting task of applying for college. One college, besides the normal essay, had an "optional essay" (in other words if you want to look good you do it). Here's their instructions.

"Tufts develops leaders who will address the intellectual and social challenges of the new century, and critical thinking, creativity, practicality and wisdom are four elements of successful leadership. The following topics offer you an opportunity to illustrate these various elements. We invite you to choose one and prepare an essay of 250-400 words."

The topic question I chose was: "5. Create a short story using one of the following topics:
a) One Way Ticket b) “Do Not Push” c) Toast d) The Back Seat on the School Bus e) Something’s Not Right…"

I chose "A"

Now here's where I need your help. Here's my story, tell me if you think it meets the criteria. Keep in mind that there are 2 other essays I'm writing that are serious and that this college looks for unexpected things to show up in your essays.

Ok, here it is.

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How could this happen?

Jack replayed the events leading to his demise over and over in his head. Once he had had it all. Now he had next to nothing.

It was his own fault, he knew. It was his choices, his terrible choices. His overriding want for pleasure had swallowed up his life, and now it had brought him down to this.

Jack walked to the closet and pulled out one of his few remaining possessions: an old rifle his father had bought for him. They used to go on hunting trips together, and this had been his eighteenth birthday present. Now feeling suddenly determined, he loaded the gun deliberately and pointed it at his head.

This was to be his one-way ticket.

It would be his path out of disgrace, his escape from poverty. It would free him from his painful memories, his reminiscences of bygone happiness. It would estrange him from his enemies, distance him from the ones he had hurt. It would carry him out of this painful existence into whatever lay ahead.

A one-way ticket into whatever lay ahead…

Jack suddenly began to doubt. Where exactly was he going, to where would he be forced to stay? Jack knew enough to reason that he was not going to be able to go and visit and return, one-way tickets don’t cover round-trips. Would it really be better over there, wherever there was?

He lowered the rifle. What exactly did he hope to accomplish by taking his life? Escape from his burdensome reality, but would it really be an escape? What if there was punishment for the wrong choices one makes in life, what if his “escape” led him into greater torment? He suddenly remembered a near-forgotten lesson his father had taught him as a child, “Running from your problems never solves anything.” At that moment, he finally realized what he had missed most of his life.

If a bad decision could force you down, a good one could help you back up.

True, he would be forced to live with some consequences. But he could live, and he could live happier than he had before. Hard work gives purpose, and he certainly had much work ahead of him. But he would make it.

He unloaded the gun and put it back in the closet. He would wait for God to give him his one-way ticket.

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How was it?